Intentions for this Blog, perhaps another

So there are some serious things I have been meaning to write about here, and have been writing about, albeit slowly, offline. One of those things is the nature of the internet itself today... wow, what a big topic, i know! But during my first month here, not being able to access the internet easily or surely was too hard. For something so natural - geographic distance imposing a limitation on overseas communication - my displacement was so utterly inexperienced... I've been drawing parallels between the possibility of telepathy and the internet, in a world where the both are options to evolution, but one destroys the environment and life itself, and the other exists to the benefit of the planet, biosphere, and development of noosphere. All of these things and concepts to be expressed more coherently and fully in a post coming soon. If you're super curious, look up Teilhard de Chardin & watch this video...

In additon, how American culture has augmented itself to the social psyche of Chile. Perhaps the most developed nation in South America, there are striking parallels that are worth pointing out, alongside some important differences that I think show an interesting comparison of culture, maybe helping myself and others define what CULTURE really means. Chile has had an interesting and tragic and beautiful history, and it deserves examination.

Also, I have been documenting general artistic research on another blog of mine, Notes. I am thinking about merging it to this one, because all of that shit is interesting! Plus it might encourage me to digest my notes more.

Giving and Remembering

Things have really picked up their pace for me here in Chile. I'm now staying in Vina del Mar with my family of my father's brother. They are a wonderful group of people, full of life and love and in good spirits generally. Their outlook on life is simple and joyous, and this has really helped me begin to transform my mind.

In terms of physical things, I've started again a serious yoga practice, full of light and love and understanding. It has really made a difference each day, waking and praying with my body, and my soul, as one. I forgot how much of a difference yoga can actually make to your mind! And it was what I sorely needed.

My spanish is picking up quite fluidly now. I can communicate most things, save for specific, deeper things, but I have confidence that this will come in time - and that I can say things well!

One of the most powerful parts of my days for the past few weeks have been the recurring recognition of my things. I'm in this new place, and right now, for instance I have Missy Webb with me, encasing my legs: a pair of pants she gave to Monica who gave to me. I have a bag that my mother gave me, and two shirts from her youth: two of my favorites, bright blue and pungent red... I have pencils that I bought with money I was gifted by my family for birthdays, I have necklaces that Carabella made and gifted to me perhaps 2 years ago. I have games, like Slide, that Person taught me, that I'm now able to propogate further!

How much people have given me nonphysically... my parents, jeez, they gave me LIFE ITSELF... and the habits of looking, or touching, that you pick up from friends when they inspire you, the little ticks that make flirtatious movements flourish. The accents of speech, the things I know because of other people sharing. The love...

I have all that I have learned thus far in life, my ability to draw, to sing, to do minor acrobatics and YOGA. I have the ability to share these things further, giving actual gifts to people - whether they know it or now. How RICH this life is, EVERY DAY interacting and passing and knowing that people are complex webs of intricate weaving, full of possibility. Full of everything, and every possibility...

And what I'm being given here: almost daily I dance with my sobrina (niece), Maria Fernanda. I know salsa, merengue, bachata, and now we work on cueca. She knows lots of music, as do my primos (cousins)... and what's more is they constantly have an eagerness to share and make the best of communication, to help me understand. Its totally awesome to be in a culture where solid, generous communication is a commonplace thing. Where the sharing of energy, ideas and movement exists so physically. And in my experience, Chile is much more physical than the United States, in total... how people move, how people interact, what level of comfort people have about displaying their bodies, or moving through public, or even driving cars - which is also very scary! (the car part..)

But I also have objects... a beautiful necklace from my Tia Onyx, a clock from Juan Antonio, a wallet from Paula; things which are integrated now into my everyday life. Hopefully I'll make it to the post office soon - a great goal for tomorrow! Sending letters is not a habit, but I know how much I've appreciated letters and postcards from friends in faraway places. Plus you all deserve it, at LEAST!

And these things! They have such life! They contain stories. My favorite shoes (1 of 2 pairs I have here) I recieved when I was 16... that's 5 years of life, 5 years of walking, 5 years of dirt, of clean, of dancing of kicking and screaming and running and hoping and dreaming.

And this is what saves me! Realizing how much life I have with me, how many wonderful people and how excited I am to be alive.

Today at the end of my yoga practice I realized innately this: that everyday and every moment I want to give the most to myself and the world, simultaneously. Happiness, love, and all of that stuff that sounds cliche but is so profound when you find yourself in union with it, staring it at the face and simultaneously emanating LIFE!

THANK YOU, LIFE! I am so grateful and hopeful in this moment.

In this moment, this here, this eternal now!

p.s. more photos up on flickr - check the link a few posts back.

Updates: 3 Weeks in

It has been almost one month since being here. I've not kept to my once a week promise, but a lot has been happening! Here is a short run-down...

1) trauma and stress of being "extrañero" :: so the experience of not fully speaking the language is hard, no doubt. to be integrated, understand jokes, be able to play a variety of roles socially is something I had taken for granted in my life up until this point. To be able to move fluidly, posess verve and style, grace and wit - oh these things! I hope that by the end of my stay I will posess the ability to do all these things in this place with my mouth and mind fully in this other language. Harder I suppose since my hermanas both speak english fluently. Better that most people I've met do not speak english very well at all, so spanish is the way it goes. I've gotten encouragement from most people I meet. But when you meet someone, the requirements for speaking about yourself are very little - so they think I'm capable of speaking, but to be able to speak more in depth about what I do and am interested in is very very hard indeed. Matters of vocabulary and knowing the complex landscape of verb tenses by heart.

2) rancagua and small mountain town cuyo :: In the first or second week I was here, I can't remember exactly, Paula and I went to Rancagua, a smaller city about and hour south of Santiago. What streets! Signs made of copper, because this is an area with a strong mining significance. There we met a good friend of hers. He took us into Cuyo a small mining town in the Andes west of Rancagua. The first time I was IN the Andes! OH THESE MOUTAINS! A beautiful sight to see, but also devastating. It was very poor, and had resources, but many people live in shack-like situations with little to no insulation for the cold. Pan asado (bread) & empanadas sold for little to nothing on the side of the road. And the realization that the exploitation of the Andes is gigantic and constantly churning. The earth is so dry, the people work so hard here, it is plain to see. And yet nothing gets better for them, even after years of working in the mines. The level of environental awarness here is also a lot less than in the united states - recycling even in cities like Santiago is relatively new, within the past 5 years really becoming instated, but only in privileged municipalities like Las Condes, Providencia and the city center. Rancagua is beautiful, but tragic in this kind of way, where the mother earth is being killed and people hardly scoff at it. The dryness grows, and no matter how much water I drink, it still feels arid and dying at times, at times. A wonderful adventure that opened my eyes.

3) the beginning of formal language education & work :: in my second week here I began taking classes at Tandem Santiago with the hopes of dramatically increasing my rate of processing the language. I think its definetly helped a lot, but its hard to absorb and practice after class because I signed up under the condition that I intern with the school after morning classes for 5 hours. Not a hard internship: I'm doing some e-marketing and webdesign updates for their website. However, this time added to the ~hour it takes to bike there in the morning and back makes for extremely long and boring days. I've experienced little of the "culture" or nightlife/art exhibits as I would love to. And my language learning is devoted towards proper spanish rather than chilean spanish - two very different languages. Its amazing how specific chilean spanish is! So many ways of speaking, pronouncing and a pace of rhythm that is hard to keep up with at times. So it is! MAJOR GREAT THING ABOUT SCHOOL: I met Valeska P. who is a trapieze artist and lives in a communal setting similar to the copycat. Because of her...

4) XII Convenccion de Circo Chileno & Arte Callejero :: This past weekend I found out and was able to attend an awesome 4-day convention on circus arts. Tons of workshops and performances have led me today to have an extremely sore and hard to move body. However, I have now nearly mastered my handstand, have a greater appreciation for the physical body conditioning it truly takes to do gymnastics (oH how hard it is) and have learned 4 forms on trapieze, and have a basic knowledge of capoeira! Wow! No wonder I'm sore.... Classes began at 9 AM and lasted until 6PM with only a two hour break for lunch... that's about 7 hours of nonstop movement, and my body knows it. But thanks to this weekend I met some pretty sharp people and have a greater knowledge of what circus is in Chile.

The forms and exploration of the traditional circus forms have been, from what I've seen, devoted towards mastering and exploiting traditional crafts and forms of development. The clown makes fun of the gymnasts, who soak in all of the applause, and in their acts display physical prowess and mastery. But where was the challenging of gender forms? Where was the questioning of the circus tent, the role of the performer and audience? Where was the audience asked to do anything other than react stereotypically to the DEFINETLY IMPRESSIVE & REVERED techniques on display? There was a lack of criticality, and I wonder where it exists. Or, if it exists. These gymnastic and acrobatic forms are so time-consuming to develop and master, if its even possible for one to do so. I have an understanding for how a community of artists can become closed to different forms of art: simply by not working in a certain manner, one becomes ignorant of it. But for myself, I think a powerful way to continue utilizing the beautiful art of circus would be changing the structure of the show and the goal of the performances.

In any case I leave this weekend incredibly inspired for my own & the theatre's own explorations of art and physicality. I know now that I definetly want to train in a more disciplined and atheletic way: I think the next steps are signing up for classes at Circo Bufo (located in Nuñoa) which are relatively cheap and professional.

I also have found out about some awesome theatre thats taking place this week and next: surely a priority to see and apprehend more about this art scene!

I am also really missing everyone sorely. How can I stay here 6 months longer?! And more, how can I only stay here 6 months?? These are the feelings I constantly juggle. Please, email me and set up skype time, for it is super awesome to see faces of ones I love.

Pictures

http://www.flickr.com/photos/54374703@N02/

I now have a flikr! Visit it for constant updates in forms of pictures!!

A Bit Obvious

POQUITO OBVIO

It will take time

POQUITO OBVIO

I am HERE

POQUITO OBVIO

Its time to feel alive, give thanks and truly appreciate my form. My one, temporal form, which has been given to me. Connect to the universal order, and understand my mistakes in this earthly one. Time to have confidence, have fire, and generate warmth. Lack of fear time. Loss of fear, growth of perspective and love time.

Time to sing and rejoice like never before. Because like never before, it is sorely needed.

Time for harnessing my mind like never before. A degree of clarity which has existed, but now put to full potential and use. The confidence and knowledge and certainty that this is possible.

A love for others, a growing respect for the energy and time it takes to nuture and grow with others. To give them what they need and what I myself need.

An appreciation of the past like never before, as a bed of seeds that I’d sown. Now growing, newleaves coming on and out. I feel this growth out of my espalda. (awakening back)

Thanks to my tounge for patience and the willingness to learn.

P.S. The tounge connects directly to brains root. Poquito obvio.

A Few More Days

A lot more hope! It is crazy living somewhere completely different. Physically, mentally, socially, everything is different, and yet somehow familiar. Contradictions permanently.

In less abstract terms, today was awesome. I went with my sister to La Vega, on of the big central markets in Santiago. It is like the Maryland Food Center Authority as if it were a farmers' market - a GIANT farmers' market. I've never seen so much food! Much less, the size of it. HUGE bunches of celery, beet, chard, carrots, lemons, oranges. Chile produces a massive variety of fruits and vegetables year round, so it was an amazing selection, now springtime.

But Also so dirty. In an area of town near the "fabric district" ... tons of super cheap yardage that I will most certainly be investigating. Unfortunately I didn't take pictures because it happens to be in a needy/shady area of town, so for the first visit I didn't want to take my chances. But I will definetly try to get some photos to share from this amazing world that I'm now in.

I'm so lucky to be with my sister. She is is smart and cool, knows how to negotiate and joke with the vendors, and is truly a local. Although I'm getting better daily with my Spanish which is aun "Muy Basico" there's no way I would have been able to survive in the jungle which was La Vega. The pace, the beat and the language all have such specific intricacies which I'm only begin to skim the surface of... but I love it.

And today was also the first time I felt that love for adventure. I'll admit it, I've been scared, worried, that all I've worked towards securing - a feeling of purpose in my community and a drive towards creating and blossoming the theatre - was somehow lost in my replacement, misplacement, displacement of being. But today I realized, that all of that is still possible and with me, and somehow, not. In a very spiritual sense, we all truly have nothing, and I think that I became more comfortable with "just being," as they say. And its really liberating and exciting and full of endless love.

I think instead of posting photos here, which tends to take lots of time, I will be uploading photos to a flickr account. Hopefully posted soon!

I wish I could share all what I'm experiencing, but it's just too hard to regurgitate so freshly absorbed! More, soon!

First Days in Chile

What a whirlwind. Parts of myself still can’t believe that I’m here! It’s for sure that I still have lots to apprehend and absorb about la idioma Chilena. Es unico, It’s unique, No es despacio, es muy rapido y hecho de los refranas chilenas, it’s very fast and made of Chilean-isms. Pero, de los personas yo he conozco, todos dicen que yo hablo bueno y en tiempo yo aprendere mucho!!!! But, of the people I have met already, all say that I will speak well and in time will apprehend more!

The plane rides were so scary at first, and very disorienting. I can’t lie about it: in my mind I had made a to-do list of all the things I would accomplish in my 15-hour journey through airports and planes. However, most was spent looking out the window and trying the control the adrenaline and feelings of claustrophobia! It has been so long since I last flew.

Upon arriving in Chile I had to wait through a long line in customs. But to no avail, I was successfully able to navigate the officials in (mostly) Spanish. Exiting the smorgasborg of people to find Paula y Tomas, there were tons of people crowding the door with signs for agencies and taxis for other extranjeros (forgeiners)…

AND THEN PAULA! I heard “HERMANITA!!” and turned to find myself facing her admist people! We hugest tremendously for a few moments, my heart so open and alive for actually being here and in her arms. It brought tears to my eyes. Tomas quickly followed in suit, having been waiting at the other exit, and how big he is! 14 years old, and a total sweetheart my little nephew.

We then rode to her home all the way through town along the main street that connects everything. What a place this is. Surrounded by mountains and filled with people I have no doubt that my adventures here will be tremendously important & FUN!

It’s still hard for me to take it all in… so much of Chile today is like America. Malls everywhere. But a lot of the tiendas/stores are small, based in casas/houses and with handpainted signs. Its obvious that theres a lot of inequality and classism here, even by seeing most of the town through car and in my walk this morning around Las Condes. Also, it’s weird to say “hello” or “good morning” to people on the street! That is so strange to me, however, I guess its only not strange in certain parts of Baltimore. I remember going to MICA for the first time and having to get used to being vocal and direct to strangers. It’s part of safety – acknowledgement – however here it’s a different story.

AND NOW some pictures... (click them for a bigger version)

A beautiful park near my sister's house... note: GIANT PALMS, native to Chile... these ones are actually quite young, and they get huge. At this stage, they look somehow like giant pineapples...

Another shot of the park on the left, showing the native and incredibly endangered Arucania tree... it is the national tree of Chile and produced giant seeds that are kind of like pine nuts... mmmm.... A shot of me and my sister on the upper right, followed below by a lemon on her lemon tree... never imagined they could grow here, and the last image is from our trip to EL CAMPO (the countryside) where we went for the first day at my sister's friends house, who is also a dog breeder. We ate lots and played with many many dogs!

Shots from the plane... from D.C. to landing ! A 15 hour journey

My internet access has been pretty sparse, so I'll probably be luck to make 1x week posts. But please, email me and I will try my best so we can synch up on Skype. BESOS

SO EXCITED

Donald Trump

When he comes in, he's like a king, with trumpets sounding, and a carpet laid out already. He may not be god but everyone treats him that way, and even if they don't he will act that way. There an inevitability about anyone with so much power, the kind that comes from fake things revered. These things are money and allies with more, so that you form a sort of impenetrable blanket of influence. Impenetrable to anyone that thinks Donald Trump is doing the wrong thing, anyhow. And you see how her eyes glisten, leaning in towards his face, listening so carefully that words seem to have new meaning. For every word coming out of his face is gold to her, and she will sweat and scream and put out any one of her teammates in order to impress him. But nothing of the sort could impress a king. He is almighty, and her desperate attempts to win the attention of a royal body are all-too-obvious. She might as well give up. But such is a fool, who desires so much they throw away even their friends. But this fool knows how to wear makeup.
+commercial break+
Enters a face.
A smooth, white, porcelain face, with a gaze straight into the heart of yours. Beauty. Breathless. Pure. Swooping away a large dispenser pump appears in the upper left hand corner of the screen, effervescently pumping out a soft cream glistening like liquid gold, floating down into the fingertips of a most angelic hand; lifting softly and joining the angel's face the cream literally turns her already perfect skin into a heightened state of luminosity, threatening now to outshine even the lights of the tv, sending so much heat and energy to the point that the circuits burst and through the massive explosion in the center of your living room, this skin-angel is real and has been sent to you by Macy's in order to give you all that you've ever dreamed of - the perfect face and skin which bring you one step closer to power.

Back to the show.

The others pity him because he has it so hard; they have compassion, sorry-feelings in their hearts. Everyone is here because they are unemployed-but he has it worse. His anger and dreams make it hard for one to like him. As his takes a short break during the last hours of the final task, he pulls out his iPad and checks his email, his voicemail, hoping for the return message from a future employer. Hoping that his 15 minutes of fame have fooled someone into thinking: he is worth their money and time. When will he ever make it? he wonders. When will my efforts show? he doesn't know.

Until then, surround yourself with the artefacts of success, the accessories of divinity and privilege. Let it be known to the "others" that you are one step above the rest, not willing to rest, and ready for any challenge. Let them know, because these signs will lead you into . . .

State of Disbelief

I've been having a quite stressful three days. Things are failing out of plan. My level of frustration is at a high tide. It seems that everything I try to do I fail at. But I realize this morning that these feelings result from expectation, waiting, and the changing of life. I need to believe and have faith in my ability to succeed in every task, mentally feeding myself the proper nutrients of self-confidence in the form of verbal affirmation TO MY SELF. I always thought I needed that from others, but I realize at this juncture, about to leave for Chile and feeling antsy about it, this is the most important time to shine and love.

Deciding not to live at the Copycat has its pros and cons. Here I have mental clarity, the ability to focus, and the space to do so. But I lack my friends, the motivation/inspiration they offer in a renewable feedback loop, like the water cycle of the earth. And so it is with all cycles. It is especially sacred to me that I share such relationships: mutual and giving, with my close friends. I feel that level of respect with them, which is a truly meaningful thing, and something I will sorely miss while I'm gone.

I woke up this morning with an intense pain and cramp in my lower neck and right shoulder area. The pain abruptly drove me out of a dream where I was being scolded for eating too much jelly. In the dream I sat and spoon-fed myself, while my mother condescendingly scolded me like an tantruming child. I think the pain was a result from such a painful dream, my body reacting to stop the negative thoughts, the embedded self destruction that I must accept has been a part of me for much too long. I must accept and let go. I don't want to bring these aspects of myself to Chile.

I've also been reconsidering whether the immersion program is a good idea or not. My father says its much too expensive for a thing you would learn most easily: language. I think I'll go and see how I feel after a month or so of exploring, then decide on the program.

Here's to a better day and the loss of my neck cramp!

Fritz Haeg's Edible Estates project

A few years ago, 2007 I believe, artist.activist.farmer.social-interventionist Fritz Haeg came to Baltimore & the Contemporary Museum to stage his project Edible Estates, a nationwide project that took 9 different homes from 9 different cities & transformed their front/back yards into edible gardens. Every square inch of what was originally the typical American mowed Kentucky bluegrass greenscape became a biodiverse productive powerhouse of food & environment.

I came across documents from the exhibit itself, and thought a few quotes were especially inspirational.

"The act of eating is the moment in which we are most intimately connected to the world around us. We ingest into our bodies earthly matter that grew out of organic and environmental cycles happening all the time. We are all at the receiving end of dung and corpses decomposing, rainfall and evaporation, solar radiation, and so forth. What happens when the source of our food is far awat and hidden from us? In moving food great distances, we pollute and expend precious energy, but perhaps more important, we lose visible evidence of our humble place in the big food chain."

"A small garden of very modest means, humble materials, and little effort can have a radical effect on the life of a family, how they spend their time and relate to their environment, whom they see, and how they eat. This singular local response to global issues can become a model. It can be enacted by anyone in the world and can have a monumental impact."

"Most of us feel like we don't have any control over the direction in which out world is headed. As always, the newspapers are full of daily evidence for concern. Unlike the challenges of past generations, however, these struggles are no longer just localized or broadly regional; they are an interlaced web of planetary challenges. How, then, do we respond in the face of the impossible scale of issues such as global energy production, climate change, and the related political aggressions and instabilities that accompany them? One thing we can do is act where we have influence, and in a capitalist society, that would be our private property. Here we have the freedom to create in some small measure the world in which we want to live."

I think it's hard to admit that I BELIEVE THE WORLD SHOULD BE ANOTHER WAY. Should, could, would, if only everyone on the planet could see the same beauty as I, the same possibility;if only everyone contained the same desire for peace. The reconciliation of these quotes - a settling-on the capitalist reality we are given - can suffice, but I still need something more. Of course, my property, my person, my gender, my words can subvert and be subverted; this is a political act. But I wonder if we are so powerless as to only have power over ourselves. When does the power of individuals join? Where? When? For what? The elements of change I would like to see, I must be. PRONTO!

Preparing for Leaving, Waiting & Feeling

With one month to go, I have decided to reinvest time and posts to this blog. It will serve as a record of my experiences & mode of communication with all of my friends back here in the U.S., and hopefully also a journal of my journey through this amazing world.

It's strange to be leaving so soon. I finally feel at peace with it. For over 6 months I've been plotting, planning (sort - of) -- at least, I have been pontificating and anticipating the moment of my leave and arrival. Half of a year I will spend in pursuit of my father's language, knowing a family I left when so young. I look forward to these coming days, and making connections with the land, the people and their struggle. I hope that this time away from what is most familiar strengthens my will and my vision for life, gives me an added confidence to achieving my goals.

As of late, my mind has been scattered. I would say for about the past year I have been in an intense yet muddled mental fog, which stiltifies my passions through my own inability to have a clear mental environment. I feel that the fog is leaving, through an active reengagement with reading and focused activities. I must need cultivate focus.